Our Simplified Chinese Tea Ceremony

A tea ceremony is a Chinese tradition wherein the bride and groom serve tea to their respective families, including parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles, and other esteemed elders. The couple receives well wishes and gifts, and it's an act of welcoming either the bride or the groom, thereby unifying both families. (source)

November 27, 2022 — Our Chinese Tea Ceremony was held at the Shakespeare Club in Pasadena, on a beautiful Sunday morning. The date of our event was recommended by a monk to my mother, as one of the auspicious dates according to both KSOLE and my zodiac signs. It is said that it is good luck for the marriage if the Tea Ceremony is done on specific lucky dates from the Chinese calendar. This is the reason why our ceremony was actually done after our micro wedding, as it usually is beforehand and/or on the same day. We decided to separate the two events for peace of mind honestly, but also because the auspicious dates given to us just didn’t align with our schedules to have it done the traditional way.

Not going to lie, planning this wedding was a lot more stressful than planning our micro wedding for two reasons — we had to rely on my parents to guide us through the process and there were some arguments along the way, and secondly, because of guest list issues. Searching for a venue took over a month, but we luckily stumbled on this gem near our home. We opted to go with a specified tier for the rental, which required us to keep the guest count to 50 people or less for the price point. At first, this wasn’t an issue but we quickly realized we wanted to invite more people than we had in mind. After a lot of debate though, we made an executive decision to stay at 50 people for the ceremony itself, and have 60 people for the dinner that evening. Normally, you’re supposed to invite everyone on both sides of the family for the event but we wanted to simplify ours and keep it short. Otherwise, it could go on for the entire day, as every single member of the family is to be served tea, in exchange for well wishes and gifts.

We kept things easygoing at the ceremony, with light bites and refreshments, and ensured everyone was punctual as there are specific hours of the day that the Tea Ceremony is performed (for good luck).

The Tea Ceremony began a little after 11:30 AM, starting with all of the groom’s side lining up outside of the building, and the procession walks towards the front door. Traditionally, the groom is to do this from his house to the bride’s house. The best men carry trays of offerings, which include fruits, wines, and money, which the groom presents to the designated family member from the bride’s side when he reaches the front door. In this case, it was my younger sister and uncle who greeted KSOLE at the door, while everyone on my side watched from the inside. KSOLE hands my sister a red envelope with money, in exchange for a cup of tea. By accepting the envelope and drinking the tea, the bride’s family is essentially accepting his offerings and allowing him to come inside. However, there is one more obstacle in his way before he can receive my father’s blessing.

After stepping inside, KSOLE is greeted by my maid of honor and best friend. She had prepared some questions for him to answer, challenging his knowledge about me. Other options are games or commanding the groom to do physical activities like push-ups, but the gist is to make him work for it. He has to fight for you. After completing and passing this round, he is then led into the meeting area where he waits for the bride to be escorted by her father, then handed over.

At this point, my uncle leads the ceremony and because this is only the second time my family has had one in over 30+ years, we all acknowledge that there will be hiccups along the way. It is also the first time that the extended family from both sides meet, so introductions get a little skewed and the order of who gets presented is a little off but everyone has a good laugh over it all.

My parents start it off by sitting down in front of us, we serve them tea, and in exchange, they provide words of wisdom and/or gifts such as money or jewelry. We then move on to KSOLE’s parents before trickling down to all the relatives, in order of age, then siblings and cousins. Anyone older than us and married gets served a cup of tea. Friends, do not get served tea nor do they get to sit down. They are free to give us advice or share a loving memory or story about us. We honestly did not expect our friends to really do this, but we are truly blessed that the majority did and their words were so touching.

Throughout this time, my mom had already prepared the tea and my best friend poured each cup for us to give to our elders. We opted for disposable cups instead of the typical teacups because it’s easier, cheaper, and more sanitary. Since we kept this ceremony small, we were able to finish it within 30-45 minutes and then did all our photos inside and outside. We finished by 1:30 PM and cleaned up the venue by 2:30 PM.

Dinner wasn’t until 4:30 PM at Newport Seafood, where we reserved 6 tables for a 10-course meal for everyone, so we had our friends come over and hang out at our place while the adults all went home to rest. We opted to cut the cake at our place and not the venue, as I didn’t want to have to clean up more things. The cake, by the way, was absolutely stunning and Miso Bakes did an amazing job.

Traditionally, you would buy out an entire restaurant for a large dinner reception but we opted to just get a handful of tables instead and keep it casual. Dinner was delicious and everyone went home with to-go boxes because there was so much food, haha. No games, no speeches, no toasts at all, which was exactly what we wanted. It was just a big family dinner type of vibe and we loved it.

Greateful for all the love and support from our family and friends, and so happy we got to celebrate and honor my culture with this ceremony.

Wedding Details -

Photographer: Randall DeLeon

Venue: Shakespeare Club

Outfits: East Meets Dress

Hair: Jeromie / The Co.Lab Studio

Florals: Jeromie / The Co.Lab Studio

Cakes: Miso Bakes

Lumpia: Manila Sunset